Tunnel Vision…Who are you?

Sometimes you can be working diligently and are still not be effective.  The reason is when we get in a “zone”, we tend to have tunnel vision.  Once we get out, those on the “outside” tell us their view of what we were doing.  Sometimes our intentions don’t match up with what was happening in reality.  After writing and self-publishing my first book, I was able to talk to people about their experiences in life and how the book has brought them to the realization that there is just more life to live!  But, what I kept hearing from people is “What about you? What’s your story”  I thought to myself, “My story is not that moving or involved.  I don’t even have much to tell.”  The truth about it is, I DO have a story to tell.  I do have more to share, but I’ve been in tunnel vision for a while. I’ve been focused on being, having, and doing more instead of sharing.  So, I’ve decided on these blog posts I will make a point to tell you more about me each time.  I will share my story in order to help others starting today…

I’m a writer! I always have been. I remember having a notebook in elementary school where I wrote all my poetry. Unlike most, I loved it when it was time to write sentences, paragraphs, and essays.  I just felt comfortable there.  By the time I was in high school, I had one of the hardest English teachers alive, and I was so glad.  She encouraged me to bring out more of my thoughts on paper, so I did.  I went through some things as a teen that would have made no sense coming out of my mouth. Love, hurt, depression, hatred, questions about sexual orientation…It looked much better on paper!  I wrote every day.  I kept that notebook until I misplaced it in 2014. (I don’t think that was an accident!) Poetry, short stories, books, songs…whatever I could.  After high school and into college, God continued to bless me with some of the best and most honest English teachers I could come across.  It was amazing.  He was definitely setting me up for something big.

What is it that you KNOW about yourself?  If someone asked you, “Who are you?”  Of course there would be many parts to that answer, but what’s one you can be SURE of?  For me, I’m sure I am a writer. Take some time this week and just think about that.  Have you had tunnel vision so much that you lost sight of who YOU are?  I’d love to hear from you…

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Don’t be trapped by what others think!

In case you missed it on Facebook, in this post, I will be sharing Purpose Points on “How not to be trapped by what people think!”

Purpose Point #1: KNOW what YOU think.
People can and will take advantage of the fact that you don’t know what you REALLY believe or want. For example, if you want to have more children after your children are already grown. There will be some nay-sayers and those with opinions which have NOTHING to do with you. Please remember opinions are like butts. Everyone has one! Be confident in what it is you want. People can smell fear and know when you are unsure waiting for someone to agree. They are most likely not going to agree, so you have to know what YOU think and first and foremost with no reservations. Know that you know that you know you truly believe in the decision you are about to make or already have made. Even when the negativity come from close friends or family, you have to eliminate it from your surroundings!

Purpose Point #2: Take Care of You
It’s not that you are trying to be insensitive or ugly, but living on purpose can be so involved you have little time to look around at others. Be engrossed in what you love and ways you plan to progress in life! By taking care of YOU first, you can be a better person for those around you and those you love!

Purpose Point #3: Be amazing
When you are great at what you do, people will talk. They will give positive feedback but unfortunately more will be negative. The important thing is…they’re talking about YOU. Proverbs 18:16 says ” A man’s gift makes room for him, and brings him before great men.” Don’t worry so much about WHAT they’re saying. As long as they’re saying SOMETHING, you’ve captured their attention!

Purpose Point #4: Stop Over-thinking it
No, really!! STOP! You will say things you did not intend to say in ways you didn’t intend to say them…get over it. It’s not the first time nor will it be the last. There will be times you are embarrassed and feeling shamed. Pick yourself up and move forward. You are NOT your mistakes. It is easier said than done but no one said it would be easy! It must be done! Be sure your heart and intentions were in the right place. If they weren’t, take care of your business, and get it fixed. Give yourself a time frame that you will spend reflecting on what happened. Once that time frame has passed, LET IT GO!

Purpose Point #5: Evaluate who is worth listening to
First, you do not share your dreams and aspirations with everyone. They don’t deserve to know. Just let them see it. By nature, people are very skeptical and tend to be “helping” but often are just dropping seeds of negativity. That will cause you to rethink everything. That’s why Purpose Point #1 was so important. Secondly, know who you’re keeping around you and who you can trust with your thoughts. Treat your ideas like a baby. You wouldn’t let just anyone hold your child and talk to him or her would you? Of course not! Then there are only a select few you let “hold” and “speak to” your concepts and ideas. Those SELECT FEW may be the only people worth listening to. All other opinions should only be taken with a grain of salt.

…and I approve this message

Why do you think campaign ads end their commercials with “I am ________, and I approve this message.”?  It is because we are trained from a young age to believe that someone else’s approval is all we need in order to make the best decisions.  We are inundated with social and political figures who put their stamp of approval on an item in hopes of us running behind that which they approved.  It is happening all around you right now.  The soda (or water) you are drinking had a well-known figure in their commercial to promote sales, but is that all we are? A sale?  No, of course not.  But, we do often validate ourselves, our lives even based on someone else’s approval.

Seeking the approval of others was one of my first mistakes. But how could I avoid it? When mom is happy, the house is happy, right? Right! So my vision became her happiness which would equal my approval. It was a win-win until it wasn’t. It became a game between me and myself to see if she could be MADE happy. Somehow I put all of that responsibility on myself. I gauged my success on her response and ultimately anyone’s response. Positive response = success. Negative response = failure. And when there was no response = unworthy. I willingly and purposefully put my life in the hands of others over and over again hoping there was someone I could make happy everyday, all the time, forever. I know now how much that is unrealistic but during this time I continued creating this roller coaster of emotions within my mind. In this writing, I continue to use “I” and “me” because I take responsibility for those choices. While I was influenced and reared a certain way, it was me who ultimately decided not to stop the cycle. I continued to make decisions based on what others WOULD think or respond.

Why give others that much power in your life? We are interdependent needing each other to survive yet we still have our own mind to make our own decisions.  This is why my sophomore book holds the title, “Succeed ON Purpose.” Do it on purpose with great intent, reasoning and thought. You have a choice to make. You can play with your life as a puppet on strings constantly putting on a costume and performing before the crowd you call family, friends and coworkers, or you can be the director and call the shots in your own success. Make a decision and stick with it!

Look in the mirror and tell YOURSELF…I am _______, and I approve this message!

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